Eight types of diabetic – which one are you?
Partly tongue in cheek, partly almost factual, here are 8 types of diabetic. Which one are you?
1) The Big Mac (Upsize) This person is a product of fast food. A home dweller with an aversion to any type of exercise, this individual finds the walk to the car for a trip to the drive-thru a bit of an aerobic struggle. This is why in Singapore, McDonalds now delivers. It’s a shame the motorbike delivery man can’t quite make it all the way to the armchair.
Outlook: Double whopping grim, with extra fries.
2) The Diabetic in Desperate Denial (Diddy) This individual has had the results from the doctor to explain that his blood sugar is so high that even dracula would avoid taking a bite for the sake of his teeth. The specialist advises that lifestyle changes are needed, so the Diddy takes a different route to the cake shop. The Diddy manages to visit the specialist every once in a while, but decides to change specialists every now and again in attempt to get a different opinion. When each one explains that with ‘sugar blood’, rather than ‘blood sugar’ the only outcome is usually quite unpleasant, the Diddy vows to make some changes. The time the changes involve not thinking about diabetes at all and avoiding the specialist in the future.
Outlook: Dead Diddy
3) The low carb Evangelist (LCE) This diabetic is quite different from the ones we have encountered so far. This diabetic takes diabetes incredibly seriously and it now in fact takes over their life. They have achieved blood sugar readings which are immaculate and want to tell the world. Usually also a blogger, the LCE will tell you to eat a single morsel of cheese for dinner, and insist it isn’t even in the same room as a piece of bread in case you mistakenly inhale a crumb of carbohydrate. The LCE will test their blood 3 times a minute and wants to send the local Baker to prison. Secretly loves the smell of freshly baked bread. Outlook: Excellent, but don’t show them a sandwich.
4) The high carbohydrate thrill seeker (HCTS) Loves a rollercoaster. So, this person rides on the blood sugar roller-coaster every day. Similar to Diddy, in that blood sugars are out of control, but different in that they actually quite concerned about their health. The person has been given the typical advice that a diabetic can eat what they like as long as it’s covered with medication, and hasn’t challenged this advice. The thrill seeker enjoys all the foods he or she did before diagnosis. It is for this person that insulin pens keep winding all the way to 60 units. The HCTS believes that a disposable insulin pen is meant to only last a single meal.
Outlook: Needs a pizza advice, or things will end badly.
5) The marathon running type 1 (Lycra diabetic) Ever since diagnosis the Lycra diabetic has decided to tackle this disease head on. He or she will run a lot of marathons, or cycles around the world before you are even up for breakfast on a Sunday. They have a bike that weighs one gram and is made from Kryptonite. This person has the attitude that ‘nothing is going to beat me’ and reminds everybody who will listen that 5 times Olympic rowing champion Sir Steven Redgrave was a diabetic. The Lycra diabetic exercises so much that their blood sugar hasn’t a chance to increase for a second. Runs to their specialist appointment every 6 months and does sit ups in the waiting room.
Outlook: Very good, but tiring.
6) The natural earth diabetic Spends a lot their time doing yoga and only likes to consume paleo foods that were available when dinosaurs were around. Eats mainly twigs and leaves for breakfast. When not doing yoga, is being mindful – or in other words, trying not to think about anything. Always refuses a glass of wine, because cave-men didn’t drink wine – doesn’t mind driving a car though, or flying in planes.
Outlook: Excellent, but usually too chilled out to talk to you.
This person has just spent $1,000 online to get hold of the latest miracle cure for diabetes. It arrives in the post and one of the key ingredients turns out to be, the not very expensive, cinnamon. GD tries this for 6 months and then sees that the latest, latest cure is out and spends even more money to be free of diabetes by lunch-time. More cinnamon arrives, this time by courier.
Outlook: Probably not great.
8) The early adopter diabetic (Nerd) Our final type of final diabetic believes that the answer to diabetes lies in technology. This person has just purchased the latest continuous blood glucose monitor which delivers his latest blood sugars every micro-second wirelessly to his connected fridge, so that an appropriate snack can be quickly prepared. Analyzing graphs downloaded to his Apple Watch, he can understand the patters in his blood glucose 24/7. Unfortunately for Nerd, the new devices come out so fast that he or she now wears 10 incompatible devices strapped to different parts of his body. He gets a cacophony of bleeps and warnings when he so much as walks past the cake-shop.
Outlook: Good, but expensive, and you’ll end up single.
I hope you enjoyed this deliberately light treatment of the subject of diabetes. Yes, I even satirized myself in this list, but I am not telling you which one I am. The intention here is not to criticize or make fun of anyone, it’s more to try and point the way ahead to the right decisions. Diabetes can be effectively managed and complications avoided and in my opinion sometimes humor is the best way to make that point. www.singaporediabeteshealth.com